Political correctness, like so many other traits, has it’s origins in parenting style. When parents overly concentrate on their child’s feelings rather than on understanding others (how life works), the parent not only supports selfishness – they create the building blocks for illogical adult behavior. When a parent builds a bubble around their child and gives the child the impression that he/she can’t handle negative statements or disagreeing viewpoints from others – the child will develop a desire for complete acceptance that becomes a mental drug the child needs and the adult demands.
Demanding that others have to accept every behavior or opinion and soothe our toddler emotions damages our relationships as well as our achievement levels. A child living in a bubble will never have to tools he/she needs to live a logical, well balanced, relationship oriented life. Even when those children become adults and try to overcome their training – it will be an uphill battle. Parents who coddle their children are being dishonest about how life works and what they assume is kindness is actually an abuse that will follow the child the rest of his.her life.
This abusive kindness invaded this country over 50 years ago when Dr. Benjamin Spock’s book on child rearing became a best seller. I wrote a book report on it at college. I insisted at that time that if parents followed his lunacy our society would change for the worse. And it has.
Most of the crazy illogical talk from adults can be traced back to their parents belief that a soft answer and no discipline will somehow overcome a rebellious spirit. The rebellious spirit that begins in all of us will never be tamed by a soft selfish oriented response. The rebellious spirit can only be stopped by immovable boundaries, a harsh tone and sharing the reality that no one else in the world will give him/her a pass on bad behavior.
The first half of Spock’s book dealt with details like how many feedings your child should get in a day or how many diapers one child needs. It was very helpful. The second half of the book dealt with discipline and should have been recognized for the evil that it was. His “New and Improved” reprinted book (available today) eliminated much of the original teaching that would allow a child to have everything while the parent refused to discipline.
I compared both printings and agree with the negative reviews by Dr. Norman Vincent Peale and others. Spock’s books led to permissiveness
Unfortunately the damage from the first printing had been done. We are now dealing with second and third generation adults who believe the universe revolves around them and their feelings.
Dr. Spock foolishly taught that it was abusive or bad parenting to refuse anything your child wanted. He insisted that instant gratification was important for a child’s self-esteem. For example, if your child drew on your freshly painted wall you were to lower your voice and praise his creative desire to draw. If he jumped on the couch until it broke the springs, you were to praise his athletic ability. And if he cried the parent should apologize for hurting his feelings. It wasn’t long until his own children were out of control. Dr. Spock and his wife were arrested multiple times and he was recognized as the father of the hippie generation.
That’s part of the reason our society is inundated with the thought that no one should be allowed freedom of speech if it makes anyone uncomfortable. Regardless of the love based in truth – we are to keep silent. At the same time these destroyers of free speech believe it’s perfectly okay to bash others who disagree with their views. Sounds like a spoiled toddler to me.
The mark of a totally out of control spoiled brat is the illogical thought that “what is good for me isn’t good for you”. I’ve dealt with a lot of spoiled brats and political correctness reminds me of a screaming toddler. “You can’t say that to me. You are bad. I hate you!” They are determined to destroy the person that disagrees with them. They also don’t care about consequences. It’s hard to present facts to a person who only wants his desires fulfilled and doesn’t care if everything is destroyed in the process. “I want it and I don’t care what you have to do to get it for me. I don’t care if you go down in the process. Just give it to me now or else!” It’s difficult to deal with a brat of a kid but almost impossible to deal with a spoiled adult.
When parents don’t discipline their children, police are forced to administer discipline when that child becomes an adult. Often it’s too late and the child’s life spirals into a life of misery. Unfortunately for this country, we have a lot of spoiled brats using the legal system to get their way. Even worse many of those spoiled brats have managed to infiltrate our government.
Promoting instant gratification and spoiled children prevents anyone from becoming a better person. No matter how hard they try they can’t seems to avoid the pitfalls of life. Humans only change when their present life becomes so unbearable that they feel as though they have no other choice. Every child should be forced to face the hard lessons of life and “practice” doing the right thing. That’s the only way to become mature and wise. (Of course, the parent has to be mature and wise first.)
I’ve never heard an adult say – “Everything in my life is going good. I’m the happiest I’ve ever been. I think I’ll shake it up, change and go in a different direction.” Nope….that’s not going to happen. We change because we are uncomfortable. When life is going good, we hold our breath and hope nothing interferes with our good luck.
Political correctness is evil and bringing it into the parenting world is a disaster for generations to come. If you think making a person (or a child) feel comfortable in their bad decisions is going to change them – you are dead wrong! Acceptance or making a person comfortable will only enable them to continue making bad decisions.
As parents we have to be strong enough to speak the truth. “Please don’t do that. The consequences are bad and you will suffer if you do.” If they don’t hear you, it’s time to get tougher. “I said stop it and stop it this instance!” If that doesn’t work, it’s time to force the issue with logical discipline. If you aren’t strong enough to speak the truth – you are in my opinion an abusive parent.
How can being a lenient parent be abusive? If you allow your child to continue making mistakes, you will doom him/her to a life of terrible consequences. That’s abuse. Your child will be disliked, will make terrible decisions and face insurmountable consequences on a regular basis – all because you refused to parent by providing boundaries and discipline. Yep, that’s abuse.
For example, if you allow your child to grab anything he wants – including your own stuff – and you never teach him/her to respect other people’s belongings or rights – your child will be rejected by most school peers. Why? He will try to do the same thing at school. No one becomes good friends with a person who is going to take their stuff or deny them their rights. That person will be viewed as a bully and most people will not like him/her.
Why would you want to set your child up for failure when it comes to making friends, dating, being a good employee or having a good marriage? That’s abuse. You think you are being kind when actually your kindness is an abuse that will bring on years of misery for your child. Your actions didn’t give them the tools they need to have a good life. That’s no different than denying them food or basic needs.
Love your child enough to help him/her be successful now and in the future. Love your child enough to have a confrontation about denying their own wants in favor or being a good friend. Teach them how to be a credit to society not a drag on society. Make sure you teach them…..”If you lie or steal, you will lose friends. Don’t do that! And someday when you are married, if you lie to your spouse, they will leave you – and they will be justified in doing so.” That may feel like tough talk. It may even make you sad to think of them having that kind of trouble. It may hurt their feelings for the moment. But….It’s much better to handle selfishness when a child is four than to deal with rebellion at age 13. Better to make a teen feel uncomfortable for a small infraction than have them miserable when their adult life stinks!
Yes, you will have to face the anger and confrontation that comes with helping another person face consequences. But your child will be happier and you will also be changing America when you send logical, bright, well-informed children into the adult world.
It’s time to stand up and stop being politically correct. When another adult says something stupid, use kindness but be honest. Stop being abusive by allowing them to infect illogical non-sensical thinking on our world. Make sure your family is living life according to “wisdom and personal strength”. Demand that others in our society do the same. That’s how you change your family. That’s how you change society. That’s how you change America. That’s the only way to change the world!