A Cherokee Elder was teaching his grandchildren about life. He said to them, “a fight is going on inside me…it is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves.
One wolf represents fear, anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride and ego.
The other stands for joy, peace, love, hope, kindness, humility, benevolence, friendship, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.
The same fight is going on inside each of you and every other person too.
The grandchildren thought for a minute about what he had said and then one child asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win, grandfather?”
The old Cherokee Elder simply replied, “THE ONE YOU FEED, MY SON.”
I love this story because it’s so true. The real parenting issue for all of us is to recognize that there is a fight and to give our children the tools they need to “feed” the good wolf. The stronger the good wolf – the easier it is for him to overcome the bad. Making the bad a tabu or using rules to control your child will never help you reach your goals. Yes, some rules are necessary – but every rule must have one goal – does it change my child’s heart? Does it help my child “become” the good wolf? Does it give my child the tool he/she will need to go out and make a wonderful life?
When parents don’t take the time to feed the good wolf -they are often surprised when the bad wolf growls and bites his way throught the teen years. Often it’s not because the child wants to be an angry wolf but rather because he/she doesn’t have the tools to navigate as a good wolf.
If your rules or other negatives aren’t reaching the goal of changing your child’s heart – you have lost and the bad wolf will surface.
Make sure anytime you are investigating a Decoder map or simply looking at the life of your child – be sure you have plenty of chances to “Feed the good wolf”!