Teen Rebellion has disrupted lives, devastated parents and taken the joy out of family relationships.
While some parents give up, others feel as if they live in a constant Tsunami of emotions. Anger and frustration is the theme of every day. One parent recently confided that while she used to pray for her two teens, she is so frustrated that even prayer feels like a temper tantrum with God.
When I asked if she could remember how she felt when they were small and snuggled in her arms – Tears flowed down her weary cheeks. “I wish I could. I’m not even sure I love them anymore.” She buried her head in her hands and sobbed.
The sad fact is that American parents have been sold a painful lie. For years, the psychological association has demanded that there are no solutions for teen rebellion. Teen rebellion (according to some psychologists) is like the flu. Everyone gets it at one time or another. The best thing to do is let it run its course.
What a lie. If it were true, then every household would be a chaotic mess when a teen was in the home. I had three teens at one time and we never experienced rebellion. I’ve known many households that have beautiful relationships with their teens. If Rebellion was inevitable, there should be a way to diagnose and predict when it would occur. There would probably be some evidence of it in DNA or some kind of blood test or medical phenomenon to hang the theory on.
When you begin asking “why”….the paths lead to the belief that there must be a “cause” for teen rebellion. Yes, hormones are flowing. Yes, there’s a lot teens don’t understand. Yes, there’s emotional factors that can be devastating.
If some families can exist without rebellion – then it must be possible to find the cause of your household drama. I am positive that if we search for the clues, we can find the cause and design a solution that will bring peace and harmony back into your home. Over the next few weeks I will help you build a Decoder Map for Teen Rebellion. As we build our chart, we will discuss possible solutions to every issue we find. Let’s start with our Evidence Chart.
When a child begins to exhibit teen rebellion, what is in your environment. In other words, if you stood at the doorway to their room – what would you see, hear, taste, touch, feel etc…that wasn’t there when they were nine and they thought you were the greatest?
- TV in the room
- Pictures of stars
- New clothes
- More technology – ipods, ipad, computer, video games
- Sports equipment
- new music
- New friends
- Makeup for girls – exercise equip for boys
- School books on psychology, sexual information, history
- Lack of innocence
- Teen magazines
- Do you suspect bulllying?
- Have you moved to a new city?
- Is it easy to make friends?
- Does your child eat properly?
- Does your child have a good self-esteem?
- Does your child have a passion for some talent or hobby?
- Have you divorced?
- Is there a lot of sibling rivalry?
- Are you too strict because you are afraid?
- Have you always been lax with discipline?
- Do you yell a lot to get things done?
- Does your child have a “niche” in the family or does he feel left out?
- Has your child lost a dear friend or close relative?
I made this list in just a few minutes. There are hundreds of other possibilities. For now….let’s work with these and see where it takes us.
You can copy the Decoder Map as we work on it. Double click on the following map to enlarge.
We are in the process of building our own Decoder Map program that will have features others may not. For now you can go to http://freemind.sourceforge.net and download a copy of their Version 9.0 for free. Plug in the same arms I have (if they apply to your teen) and walk away. Give it a little time to settle in your mind. Check back often and we will build this one together.
For now, it’s easy to see that there may be a lot of issues that contribute to your child’s rebellion. Each one of these arms could be causing stres and mental pain for your child. I hope that will encourage you. After all, once we isolate the unique problems your teen is dealing with – together we can design a program that will ease the stress.
It will work and it will help you and your teen find peace and joy again. When you can visually see what’s wrong it will be easier to be kind, to be patient and to find answers – together.