Case Study – Love is not about finances

A couple had been married for eight years.  Their marriage looked happy and had produced a son and a daughter.  They were a fun couple to be around and their life was full with church, family and friends.  They purchased a new home and became active in the neighborhood.

The wife began to interact with people whose major concern was elaborate trips, elegant furnishings and “things”.  I saw this young woman change but couldn’t put my finger on why.  Sitting at my counter and watching me warm leftovers on the stove she asked, “Why don’t you get a microwave?  It’s great!”

This took place during the 70’s when Microwaves were $600-$800 and Ron’s salary was still at beginner range.  “I can’t afford that right now.”

“I can tell you how to get your microwave right now.”

I teased back. “Yeah right.  What’s your suggestion – rob a bank?”

“No.”  She leaned closer so the children wouldn’t hear.  “Just tell Ron that you won’t have sex until he gets you what you want.”

It took a second for me to process what she said.  I stood motionless frowning.

She gave her two year old a bottle and scooted her on her way.  “I promise it works.  How else do you think I got my new living room furniture?”

I started to say something but our husbands came in and we all sat down to eat.

Six months later she called me crying.  “Oh Debbie.  I don’t know what to do.  I just found out hubby is having an affair.  I’m shocked.  I exercise and try to look good all the time.  I never go around the house looking bad.  Yet, he won’t have sex with me.  Now I find out he’s out with someone else.  I don’t know what to do.”

I offered to pray with her but couldn’t bring myself to tell her the truth.  The damage was done and it was a consequence of her own foolish actions.

Love is an emotion that must be supported by actions.  When you marry you promise to love and cherish that person because of your attraction, their character and respect.  If you change the parameters of love and base it on finances or a one sided plea for selfish wants, it becomes a contract that can be broken at any time.  You instantly have lost your appeal to your spouse.

In this situation he didn’t feel attracted to her even when there were no strings attached because he now viewed the sexual act with her as a financial transaction rather than an act of love.

In this case study, the wife’s sexual desires and her husbands responses to them became a financial transaction rather than an act of love.  You do this for me and I’ll do this for you.  When tenderness, caring and unselfishness was eliminated and replaced by a cold transaction- the husband lost his desire and no longer felt obligated to the relationship.  He allowed himself to respond to the “unconditional love” of another person.

The wife in this case was also seen as a dictator or person who was not concerned about the dreams and goals of her partner but only her own selfish desires.  Money became her real lover and ultimately caused their divorce.  The husband also made bad decisions that sabotaged his success in life.  This matter could have had a totally different conclusion if the two parties had faced their personal faults, protected their love in it’s purest form and made a plan for a better future.


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